The story I'm about to share is not to paint anyone "My Dad" in a bad light. In fact, the story I'm about to share has a beautiful ending, and it shows why we should always forgive, regardless of the impact it has on our life.
First, project of the day, given as a gift to a friend...
When I was a child, possibly just before, or in my early teens, my father had company visit our home. We were living in Hillside, on Salem Ave. They where very surprised to see so many kids, that they even asked "Are these all your children?" my father replied "Yes, except that one.", he then pointed his finger directly at me. I froze at that statement, I didn't understand. The gentleman he spoke to said "Oh, okay." and they continued on with the visit for the day.
My dad was a very strict man, many of us had an extremely hard time with him, including my mom. I experienced things that many of my siblings were not always aware of, but my mom knew and saw pretty much everything. Soon after that statement, I went to my mom, knowing she's a devout JW and believed she would not lie to me. I told her what had happened and asked her why he would say that. She dismissed the comment. So again, I asked her and she dismissed it again. Puzzled by her response, I finally said to her "You are a JW, you cannot lie, is he my father?" and much to my amazement, she wouldn't answer the question. I was in disbelief, surely my mom knew what this was doing to me, and when given the moment to bring clarity to the situation, she didn't.
I was distraught. As a little time went on, I wanted her to tell me more. Finally she caved and said "he is your father". Surprised by that statement, I thought about it, and realized that she could simply say that because he was actually raising me. So now I wanted her to clarify it, I wanted to hear her say he was my blood related father. She eventually told me "yes, yes he is".
I never believed it. I thought she found a way to justify herself with God, because if it were true, why not say that from the start. Why allow me to suffer with that possibility, for as long as I did, if it wasn't true. It wouldn't have been surprising to hear my father say things like that, but for my mom not to disprove of it immediately, and clearly answer me from the start, didn't make sense to me. She would have never allowed me to suffer with those thoughts, if they weren't true. The simple fact that she had to be cautious in her responses, spoke volumes to me.
When I was 16, we all moved to Portugal, I got married at 17, just a few months before my 18th birthday, I then moved back to the US. Shortly after, I became pregnant. The marriage did not last, before my first child was born, we had separated. I had my first son soon after my 19th birthday. My father had come for a visit from Portugal, during that visit, I had tried to end my life.
I woke up in the hospital 3 days later. I saw my father and my sister-in-law at the foot of my bed. That day, although I didn't know at that precise time, my father became a true father to me. It was a turning point for him and he did all that he could to help me, always.
I still spent most of my life wondering if my dad was my real father. It didn't help that most of my family looked like my dad and I looked like my mom. By the time I reached my forties, I came to accept that I would truly never know for sure. I knew I had my mom's blood type and that my dad's was different. None of my family knew this story, except my one sister. I mentioned it to her in 2019. She wouldn't believe it at first, after some thought, she accepted it. The only other ones that knew this, were from back in the day. It was my "ex" mother in law from my 2nd marriage, who is currently back in my life as of late 2019, (we study the Bible together) and the other, my closest, best friend at the time the incident occurred. I don't believe my younger siblings at the time paid much mind to it, or if they even heard it, as they never mentioned it.
I never brought up doing a DNA test, although I considered it many times. We were getting along so well that I didn't want to hurt him and make him feel bad by bringing it up again. I decided it wouldn't make a difference to rehash it, nor was I sure that I wanted to go there again. Things were good, why ruin it. I think it would've hurt (all involved) more than it could have helped.
I did not share this story to paint my father in a bad light. He has done many bad things in his life, but in the end he was a good father, he had lost his 2nd child (6 month old baby) and raised 10 other kids in all. My father too experienced many difficulties as a child. He lost his mom when he was only 11, he was pretty much abandoned and left to fend for himself. He had a hard life with a father who did not treat him well. I understood this and it explained many things.
Generations...
We can never fully comprehend what makes people do the things they do, but we must never forget that ALL have a story, a past, a history. Many who become abusive have themselves been abused. It doesn't make it right, but it's a fact.
I became close to my father, I undoubtedly believe Jehovah had a hand in that. My father lived in Portugal for most of my life, but returned to America around 2001. Sadly, both of my parents passed away 2 weeks apart in September of 2011. I miss them dearly.
I didn't have an easy life. Most of us don't. That's why we must forgive. You never know what one has been through. Although I had a religious organization, that helped destroy my faith in God at the early age of 7, with their false prediction of Armageddon, and I had many abuses throughout my life by many, some that I trusted, I never truly held any grudge. Jehovah has always given me the ability to forgive. I was far from perfect, in time I became resentful of many situations, but my way of dealing with it was to hurt myself...I've turned to alcohol, drugs (prescribed, later un-prescribed), and again, another suicide attempt sometime in 2006 or 2007. Between serious illnesses, suicide attempts and several accidents, I should not be here, yet...here I am.
Today, I've never been stronger in my faith and in my love for Jehovah God, Jesus Christ and mankind...yes, that means you. When Jehovah called on me, he showed me properly how to treat many situations, he disciplined me in ways that I could never explain. It wasn't always easy, but I'm so very thankful for it. He's taught me well and continues to teach me. He's always given me the ability to see past a situation, to see people for who they are and not just what they do. I have always wanted to fix everyone, to help them with their pain, but how could I, when I couldn't even fix myself.
Jehovah taught me to rely on Him through Jesus Christ. To put my full faith in Him, with a pure heart. By doing so, He continues to guide me.
Almost every example given to us by Jesus Christ has taught me well and relates to my life...also included are some from the OT shown to me by Jehovah as well.
The woman in the prophecy. (Genesis 3:15; Revelation 12) The needy widow with the two coins. (Luke 21:1-4) Mary, mother of Jesus. Mary, Lazarus sister. Mary Magdalene. ~ MARY Prodigal Son. (Luke 15:20-24) Sinners and tax collectors. (Luke 15:1, 2) The lost sheep. (Matthew 18:12-14) The bleeding woman. (Luke 8:43-48) The 12 year old girl that dies and is resurrected. (Luke 8:42.55)The barren woman. (Isaiah 54) Jesus heals on the sabbath. (Luke 13:16) Resurrection of the dead, Apostle Paul...and the list goes on.
Luke 7:47-50 ASV — Wherefore I say unto thee, Her sins, which are many, are forgiven; for she loved much: but to whom little is forgiven, the same loveth little.And he said unto her, Thy sins are forgiven. And they that sat at meat with him began to say within themselves, Who is this that even forgiveth sins?
Nothing has changed and Jehovah continues to show me more and more of what pertains to me. It makes perfect sense and the puzzle pieces have slowly come together. It doesn't matter to me if I'm believed or not, it's my story and I know Jehovah will clear things up soon enough. I have complete FAITH in Him and He's taught me well, I have nothing to fear.
The Bible speaks to us all differently. No one has the right to tell you how it speaks to you. It's GOD's WORD to YOU. No one has ever lived your life. If you believe in Him, He will speak to you too. YOU HAVE TO BELIEVE IN IT.
If you believe it's wrong that someone should read into it a certain way, HAVE FAITH. If it's meant to be a different understanding, Jehovah God through Jesus Christ will correct it, in its own due time. NO ONE has a right to speak on things THEY DON'T UNDERSTAND, especially to tell them they are wrong for feeling what they do.
Ask any ex-JW who has experienced and endured the nightmares of the JW organization, the unjust persecution, and on top of it, the loss of your family and friends, ask any them if they've experienced that, if they would ever return. I can't imagine any would ever say yes.
Yet, I did...but only because Jehovah God called on me. He showed me the path, I returned to the love I once had, I remembered my youth and life with Him and Jesus Christ. I remembered what it was truly about. Then Jehovah showed me, yes, what JW Org is doing is very bad and it was time to leave them once again, but this time with love for all of them in my heart...remembering that Satan is in control of this world and many are giving themselves to him.
I believe it was Raymond Franz who once said "We are victims of victims".
Since leaving, I've come across many varying beliefs, monotheistic and trinitarian. I've learned that many are no different than JWs, it's the same result, just done in a different way. Most religions believe they have the truth. I believe the truth can be found in many teachings throughout all religions, but sadly, many false doctrines come attached to it as well.
Jehovah saved my life in the Spring of 2019, and I've never looked back. I was resurrected and became born again. I am not part of the 144,000, nor am I part of the large crowd. Jehovah has shown me that I am the woman in the prophecy and He continues to guide me, through His son, Jesus Christ. All teach the the woman is the church or part of the seed. Yet, in Revelation 12, it clearly shows how the woman is separate and persecuted first, before the remaining ones.
You will have to read my blog, to have a full understanding, the twist and turns that my life took since returning to God and giving myself to Him. Do I know everything, not even close. I learn and unlearn something new almost every day. What hasn't changed, my own personal story and connection to Jehovah and Jesus Christ.
Here's a video I shared on YouTube back in early 2020, I had shared it (info on the vellum only) with a sister that I studied with in 2019. She actually kept the vellum piece I had used at the time. I was hoping she would understand, but she didn't...now understanding, no one would understand, especially them, because of their false teachings. I've since edited the video to add more commentary and scripture, and recently re-uploaded it. I'm not asking you to accept what I'm sharing, nor would I want any to follow me. Trust JEHOVAH and His timing...the ONLY ONE YOU SHOULD BE FOLLOWING is JESUS CHRIST...not man.
Read the Bible for yourself. Stop trying to decode it. Read it as if it's a book written just for you. Eventually, depending on your heart condition...there is where your heart will be, and you will find your treasure, you just have to keep on knocking, seek it with a complete heart. Most of all, BELIEVE IN IT and HAVE FAITH. We are all different and our story is going to be different. I continue to share mine, now you have to find yours. Many have said they have found the message and some have different beliefs than mine. Who would I be to tell them different.
Make the TRUTH your own, as no one else has lived your life, NO ONE can answer those questions you want answered, only God can do this and He will do it through Jesus Christ. Please...HAVE FAITH.
There is so much more I would love to share with you, but many are having a hard time accepting what I have already shared, imagine trying to explain more than that. It's an impossible task. Rely on Jehovah and remember...No one knows the day or the hour, not even Jesus Christ. Keep it simple, have love in your hearts always, and do the right thing as often as possible. I truly do LOVE YOU and want nothing but the best for you. I will pray for all my brothers and sisters in this world, I don't care who you are, or what you believe in.
May Jehovah bless you and bring you understanding...
~ Peace, Love and Joy ~
